Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
