She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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