I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
