I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
