I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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