chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
