Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
