My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
