Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
