bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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