Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
