you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
