Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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