i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
someone threw a dead crab at me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
