some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
