the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
