So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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