3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
