i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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