She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
