My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he shaved USA in his pubs
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I deserve this hangover.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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