Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
