In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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