Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
