sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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