walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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