You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
