Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
