I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
