Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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