You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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