I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
