i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
