no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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