I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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