who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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