the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
