so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
