he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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