ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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