Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
