So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
