I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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