and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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