If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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