p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
