too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
