All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
