we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
