too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
