So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
