I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
His nipple licking is glorious
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